Can I take a moment to get personal with you?
Lately I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life that have sparked me to start a series on death & how to cope with it.
Let’s face it, death is a part of life. And at some point we all must face it.
I will admit this may be one of the hardest posts I will ever write. But I’ve learned that sharing your experiences can greatly help others. And honestly, that’s the whole reason I even started blogging.
When I was 10 my mother was diagnosed with Leukemia.
As a child I had no clue what that really meant. All that I knew was that my mom lost a ton of weight, was constantly sick, & spent lots of time in the hospital.
It was scary. One minute she was my vibrant mom who was always gardening, cooking, or cleaning. Then the next minute she’d be on the floor throwing up.
It doesn’t paint a pretty picture because it wasn’t.
Then things got worse & she needed a bone marrow transplant.
About a week after her transplant things took a turn for the worse.
Her body started to reject the marrow & she became sicker. I’ll spare you the details but again it wasn’t pretty.
After a harsh month, she passed away. But the hardest part of her passing may have been my father & I watching her take her last breath & declining resuscitation.
You may ask why my Dad even let me stay in the room. I know my family did.
But the answer is simple. Our family stuck together as a team & even as a child I understood my Dad’s need for my support & I wanted my mom to be able to see me 1 last time.
Looking back now, I don’t think she even really knew I was there but it brought me peace.
Fast Forward To Adulthood
20 plus years later I kind of feel like her death was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.
Stay with me, I’m not crazy or sadistic.
Having to deal with constant change, express my feelings, & go through something so challenging as a kid made me strong.
And dare I say, it help me with my fears?
I went off to college far away from home. I challenged myself constantly to try new things & I refused to let others rip me down.
It’s given me the inspiration to be grateful for every crazy moment with my kids. To appreciate the smalls moments that can be had even with something as simple as birthdays.
So yes, loosing my mom was one of the most difficult times in my life, & still continues to be.
I can’t even watch some movies without the waterworks starting. But it turns out that it also became one of the best.
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